Sh*t Chicagoans Won’t Miss About Winter

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Winter. Shot copyright @irina_a_v

Winter in Chicago. Photo copyright @irina_a_v

Whoa baby! Can ya feel that heat wave? Chicago just resurrected from it’s icy cold coffin a couple days ago when it hit 45 degrees! The last time it was 45 degrees we were carving jack-o-lanterns and sipping pumpkin spice latte’s like it’s sweet warm goodness was a necessity to live. Now we have shamrock shakes and St. Patrick’s Day is right around the corner, the Chicago river will be green as well as the trees soon! Yay!

So, since Spring has given us a warm welcoming kiss, I thought it be appropriate to reflect on all the shit about winter we are so ready to say goodbye to.

1. The Tundra

The moment you open that door you know an uncomfortable arctic adventure awaits you, and this is for all you Chicago folks who don’t have a car. There have been multiple times where I literally take one step out onto the sidewalk and I immediately slip and fall hard on my backside. That’ll for sure wake you up and get you started for your day! Then, there are the bumpy-stomped-on snow paths that someone poorly shoveled that you can barely balance on that guide you through the Alaskan wilderness that Chicago has become. We also can’t forget the giant slushy puddles that you have to leap over to cross the cross-walk and all you can do is hope you clear it without feeling the icy cold liquid flood into your shoes.

2. Waiting for the train/bus

This is the worst when it’s an above-ground station. For some reason, at most stations they only put heating in only one shelter, and I haven’t got a clue why. It ends up being a bunch of us Chicago civilians all huddled together like a bunch of penguins that just want to get where we need to go, and if that train is delayed then you best rely on that body heat!

3. Parking

I’m not a driver or originally from Chicago, but I have never seen how ridiculous this whole calling dibs on a parking spot with a chair thing was until this winter. In my Pilsen neighborhood I’ve seen so many of saved spots. From just a wooden plank standing up on a bucket, to a traffic cone, to even a folding chair with a hunk of ice on it – like adding the ice was going to stop someone from taking your spot. Pfft… Please. But, ironically, it kind of does. I’ve heard stories about cars getting trashed because of this. This dibs thing is taking seriously here, so people aren’t going to mess with that unless they have a death wish!

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4. Face hurting

That wind chill, man… that damn wind chill. We all know that disheartening feeling when we look at the weather on our phones and it says a not so bad 15 degrees and we are like “okay, I can handle that!” but then we look at how cold it feels including the wind chill and it says -10. Like damn! And then when you’re out there you are all bundled in layers upon layers and you think the wind isn’t that bad until you turn onto Wabash and experience the icy cold wind tunnel that is smacking you in the side of the face feeling like a thousand tiny needles pricking at your face. Not fun!

5. How much money you waste on Uber

I am literally terrified to even know how much money I have spent on Uber this entire winter. I’ve heard there is a way to find out, but who would want to find out something like that? That has guilt and shame written all over it. I can’t tell you how many times I have opened up the Uber app just because I didn’t want to deal with the arctic tundra shenanigans that awaited me outside that would start my day off with nothing but struggle.

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6. Mice Becoming Your New Roommates

This was my first ever encounter with having a mice issue in my apartment, and oh my was it unpleasant, but I know how common it is in the city, I mean, hey, they just want somewhere warm so they can at least survive this winter. They probably have more to complain about than us, but see… you’re in my house. Ew. Once you see that mouse for the first time, you don’t want to believe it, and then after that you will be one paranoid mofo. You will hear any sudden sound and want to jump on the couch, and when you have to set up those traps and one gets caught, it will most likely horrify you forever.

Isn’t it great that we can almost say goodbye to all of this? Soon enough the flowers will bud, the birds will chirp, and we can finally crawl out of our hibernation caves while rocking our spring jackets instead of our ginormous puffy parkas. Let’s hope this nice weather continues (knock on wood).

 

Alyssa
Pilsen, Chicago
Contributor, LoveforChicago.com
Instagram: @lyss_lou

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4 comments on “Sh*t Chicagoans Won’t Miss About Winter
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